You Are Not Too Much

One of my biggest insecurities as a young girl, especially through the awkward adolescent years, was having someone pick me up; fearing they would find out how heavy I was. Regardless if I actually was a few pounds heavier than the other girls or that was all just in how I saw myself,  I didn’t want to be found out. I didn’t want to be found too much. So when it came to piggyback relay races at youth group or chicken fights at the lake, I was always first to volunteer to be the anchor or to carry someone else. In any team building exercise where constructing a human pyramid was involved, I was first to volunteer to be on the bottom. I think this fear was apparent for a lot of girls – no matter if they were the smallest girl in the class. No one wanted to be picked up and carried. That would require leaving yourself vulnerable in the hands of another person. 

Only once or twice did this happen to me (because I fervently worked to avoid it at all costs). It was uncomfortable from start to finish. I couldn’t enjoy the fun of the race or the splashing in the pool because my mind was fixated on how much I was weighing on the other person. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. When the race was finished or the chicken fight ended, I couldn’t even look at the person who carried me. I was embarrassed and worried they would go tell everyone just how heavy I was. I am not sure if this is as big of an issue or point of fear with men, but I know I am not the only girl to struggle with this. And to be quite honest, this insecurity stayed with me through college and every now and again still rears its head today. 

Trust can be a struggle. Vulnerability is not something that comes naturally to us. Self-protection, self-preservation – whatever you want to call it – is our default setting. Isn’t the scenario described above the same when it comes to our internal struggles? Our emotions, our doubts, our failures? 

We fear being found too heavy, too much for someone else to handle. This is even true in our relationship with Jesus at times! We fear where we’ve walked, failed to walk, or whatever it is, is too much for Him to take on. And yet, we are quick to volunteer to be that anchor for someone else. We are quick to shoulder the burdens of those around us and put ourselves in a support position. I know I do this. It’s easier to listen and hold someone when they’re sad, grieving, or confused. It seems easier to remind them of truth they’ve forgotten or offer a word of comfort and encouragement. 

It takes more courage and more risk to leave yourself open to depend on someone else. What happens when you’re grieving? Or in a season of uncertainty shrouded in fear and cannot see truth for yourself? It is one of the hardest things to let someone else into that space, for it is often messy, ugly, and dark. We fight so hard against this because we do not want to be a burden for someone else. It is one of the hardest things to admit to yourself you cannot do it alone. And even harder to actually voice that and ask for help. For me, I know it’s not just a fear based issue, it’s also a pride issue. I hate admitting I need help. I want to be strong enough on my own – isn’t that the message flooded across the wavelengths of today’s culture? Independence is celebrated to the utmost in this country. 

True strength is found in letting others in. True strength, according to the Father, is found in dependence and surrender. If you’re lucky, you have people in your life who know you pretty well. You have people in your inner circle who won’t wait for you to ask. They will see the change in your eyes or hear it in your voice. They will offer their support and their strength; they offer to carry you. 

We were never meant to walk through this life alone. The world is a broken place, full of imperfect and broken people, so there is pain that comes as a result of that. There are wounds we carry. There is suffering we endure.

But, there is also Hope. 

There is One who came so that we could be free, so that we would never be alone. Jesus carried our burdens – all the sin, pain, and suffering imaginable for all of humanity, for all time. He faced it all, one hundred percent alone and rejected, so that when the moments come when you face pieces of that same darkness, you wouldn’t have to be. He can be there with you as someone who carries the same scars, who understands like no one else the depths of whatever it is you are facing. He is strong enough. He is trustworthy. His eyes are full of tenderness and compassion and fierce love when He looks at you. You do not need to fear letting Him in. He can handle it. You will never be too much for Him. Will you trust that? Will you have the courage to say yes and let Him carry whatever it is you have been holding onto? 

Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Isaiah 46:4, “…even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.”

The Lord also provides us with another source of strength – each other. 

Gal. 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

We all experience pain and hurt, seasons of uncertainty and doubt. It is so we can help each other! It is so we can look to our neighbor, see their suffering, and offer a strong shoulder to cry on because we have walked the same road. Maybe you’re walking through something you think no one else could possibly understand. Maybe you’re wrestling with a darkness in yourself you didn’t know could exist. Maybe it is despair or discouragement. Maybe it is doubt or fear. You’re convinced it’s too much for anyone to handle and if they did find out, that they would look at you differently or warn others to steer clear. 

It’s a lie. The enemy wants you on your own, away from the rest of the flock and the Good Shepherd. Isolation leaves you vulnerable to attack. 

Let yourself be carried. It is the hardest thing in the world, but it gets easier with practice – as you start to learn you really can trust those closest to you. They are wrestling the same fear – worrying they are too much for you! We need to learn to lean on each other. We were designed to live in community. Not a scripted, rushed version that thrives on painted smiles, but raw, real community that flourishes with vulnerability.

How do we begin to build that? How do we begin to learn to let others in? First and foremost, trust Jesus. Trust His strength – His power is made perfect in weakness. We must trust His word is true; He sees every part of our hearts – even the dark bits we try to hide even from ourselves – and it doesn’t change His love. It doesn’t cause Him to cut and run. He stays. Trust that assurance. Trust that love. It will give you courage to respond to someone who is reaching out. Maybe it gives you the courage to speak up first and be that extended hand to someone else. 

The point is this: you are not too much. 

You are not a burden.

Let Jesus in. Then, let your people, your community in. They can handle more than you think. Part of the beauty in relationship is the give and take – the reciprocity. You have a desire to be there for them, right? To show up when they need you most? They just want the same thing – the chance to be invited in to shoulder some of this with you, to fight with you. 

Will you let them?