How is Your Perspective?

The rain started falling harder and felt colder. Summit Avenue, the infamous last leg of the marathon stretched on for what felt like forever. I had just parted ways with my two friends, feeling encouraged to finish the last 5k strong, but also feeling the wear of 23 miles. I was shaky and my fingers were numb. My left quad and right calf started screaming in protest – I was cramping up. I swigged more water and kept pushing – one foot in front of the other. I remembered something I had read while training, “Just go as far as you can…and then take one more step.” So that’s what I did.

My feet pounded the wet pavement and I focused on my steady, rhythmic breathing – in and out. I repeated my mantra to myself and smiled. I was feeling the exhaustion, but I was close. I was strong and I would not stop. The curtain of raindrops dripping from the brim of my white Vikings hat momentarily disappeared as I closed my eyes to take a deeper breath. At this point, everything felt like it was on autopilot – legs cranking away, arms holding steady at waist level, head up. At the sound of a shout to my left my eyes whipped open and my head turned, scanning to find the source. It was one of my best friends, freezing her butt off in a bright peach rain jacket, jogging alongside me. “You got this Werness. You got this. Don’t stop!”

It took my brain a second to focus on her, as it had been consumed with my stride, breathing, music, mantra, and not much else. I smiled, but I bet it looked more like a wince or grimace. My legs were still cramping and I knew I had slowed way down. My eyes locked on hers as she kept pace with me along the sidewalk. All I could do was nod. We ran in silence together for a while and then she continued to shout encouragements to me. Finally she said, “You’re so close! The finish is just ahead!”

My voice creaked out a question in reply, “Is it?!” Her adamant yes was reinforced by another spectator, assuring me if I just kept going, it would be just around the bend ahead. Sure enough, I rounded that bend and all I had heard and pictured in my head leading up to this moment became sight. The St. Paul Cathedral stood tall and majestic, the descent toward the Capitol in plain sight, a giant American flag hoisted between two fire trucks, hailing every runner – you’re almost there. And there, past all of that, I could actually see it – the bright orange and pink threshold with the white words waiting for me, “FINISH.”  Goosebumps covered my arms that had nothing to do with the cold. My eyes filled with tears of joy and relief, and for a few moments my breathing got a little shaky because of the lump in my throat. I felt a burst of strength flow through my legs and I pushed harder. A smile spread across my face and I remember emitting a sigh of relief and then a laugh/giggle as I realized I was almost done.

Here’s the thing about finishing a marathon: each runner will finish at their own time. As we’ve talked about, each person runs at a different pace, fuels differently, and will experience different pain along the way. That’s a beautiful thing. My three friends and I gathered for a celebratory dinner a couple days after the marathon and I got to hear three new and different accounts of the same race. We all had a different experience, different paces, different finishes, different stories of who we met or what signs made us laugh…it was amazing! But what united us was the fact that we all finished the same 26.2 mile course. So even though we had these different experiences, we could all relate to each other and fully celebrate that we each had finished.

So it is with our spiritual races. We will all finish at different times and experience things differently – we each have our own unique race story being written. We cannot look at his or hers and wish it was our own or start making adjustments thinking it has to look exactly like this or that. Yes, seek wisdom and encouragement from those around you, but be careful to heed the One voice above all the rest – that of your Good Shepherd. Stay in step with Him. He will be your guide. He will be your strength.

Spiritually speaking, as believers we know the finish is there, but the journey can be brutal. In terms of the actual physical marathon, the finish is what months of training lead up to. It is what the 26.2 miles on race day lead to! So, when you round that bend and see the finish, you sprint towards it, cry a little, laugh, feel relief, etc. Everything culminates in that moment. I would generalize to say nearly everyone has a negative split during the last mile at the Twin Cities Marathon – not just because it is downhill, but also because the end is in sight.

But what about when the finish is nowhere in sight? You know it is there even though you can’t see it, but on the hard days, we doubt it’s there. I doubt it’s there. I question as I did during the marathon, “Is it?!” We know what Jesus accomplished with the cross and empty tomb. We know we end this race in Heaven – finally complete when we behold His face. We know that is coming, but what we don’t know is just how painful the journey will be to get there. The writer of Hebrews addresses this in the verses we have been looking at:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

So we fix our eyes on Jesus – like we talked about in the last blog. It is imperative our focus is on Him, so when we doubt and when we despair, we are looking at His face and we remember what He endured. Jesus knew the victory that awaited him, but the only road there was the way of the cross. A road of pain, suffering, and complete abandonment. He was completely alone, something we think we understand, but truly, we do not. We will never fully comprehend how much it cost Him and how far He went to save us.

But, for the JOY set before Him, He pressed on. He could see the finish and how it meant renewed, restored relationship between mankind and God. So, He endured. He chose you. And thanks be to God His story, His race, didn’t end at Calvary. That tomb is EMPTY – HE LIVES! His life is the victory cry ringing out, shaming death, despising its clutches, “’O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” I Corinthians 15:55-57

My brothers and sisters, His victory is now YOURS! I find myself asking so much of the time, who am I Lord Jesus that you would share this with me, that you would give me your robe of righteousness??  Who am I? That’s the wrong question, as it puts the focus on me. The statement He has reminded me of (it’s not even a question) is this: “It’s about who I AM.” He is Creator, Father, Savior, Redeemer, Friend, Almighty Alpha and Omega. It’s all about Him. He loves so fully and deeply and gives us His victory. He invites us to share in it.

So, what are you going to do with it?

As Hebrews 12:3 goes onto say, “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” We see what Jesus endured – all for the joy set before Him – and we take heart from that. We draw strength and determination from that. We trust in the joy and hope set before us! Our future is beyond secure because of what Jesus has done. We trust in that, knowing that no matter how hard the road ahead is in this life, the journey isn’t in vain. It isn’t wasted. The finish is there, even when you cannot see it. Focus on the hope, but more than that, the Anchor of Hope himself – Jesus.

The Twin Cities Marathon is called the ‘Most Beautiful Urban Marathon in America’ and rightly so – it takes you around various lakes and breathtaking views along the Mississippi River in the heart of fall. Many runners (myself included) get so caught up in the pain, the pacing or the breathing, that they miss out on the views and the beauty along the way. My prayer for you brothers and sisters as you run your spiritual race is that you don’t get so bogged down that you forget to look up and enjoy the views along the river. He has placed beautiful things along the way, reminders of His love and His faithfulness. They can take the form of people, nature, events, quiet moments, etc. I pray you don’t miss them. I pray I don’t miss them! Enjoy the journey because you know where it is leading. Everything along the way is taking you one step closer to the finish. Take heart in that.

There I was on John Ireland Boulevard. Sprinting toward the end – my eyes fixed on the white words declaring my journey was almost done. I threw up my hands in surrender as much as celebration as my exhausted limbs carried me across that threshold. I finished the marathon.

In the moment it felt so surreal; it took my body and mind several moments for it to register: I could stop running. My body had been running for nearly five hours and didn’t know how to adjust to not running! Pain started to hit everywhere as I walked slowly toward the volunteers holding the symbol of this victory – the finisher’s medal. Had I been in a body of water I swear the weight of that thing around my neck would have taken me straight the bottom, but it I let it hang proudly. Another young volunteer draped the welcoming orange and white heat blanket around my shoulders like I was royalty of the highest caliber. He looked me straight in the eye, “Well done.” His face and tone conveyed such authenticity that I almost started crying again and smiled like an idiot as I continued my walk through the finisher’s corral.

I snagged a banana and downed a bottle of water. Shivers intermittently ran down my entire body as I shuffled my way toward the end of the corral. It felt rather anti-climactic, being all alone, shivering in the rain, and feeling very much like a cow among the herd. It didn’t feel real. Did I really just run 26.2 miles?

The surreal feeling dissipated a little with each step, as the pain and soreness reminded me how much I had worked every muscle in my body that day. It was great to hug two of my fellow finishers and then my family afterwards. Truly, it was an amazing thing to accomplish and I am very proud of myself, but I want to be honest with you about something.

I had read the finish stories in my marathon training book over and over and they left me misty-eyed every time. Everyone I talked to and everything I read talked up finishing a marathon as one of the best moments you could ever experience. It is a moment you feel you can do anything, surging with pride at proving to yourself you have more strength than you ever knew. It’s all about the finish line.

As I trained, as I raced, I looked forward to that moment with all I had – all I wanted was to finish.

And I did that! I accomplished what I trained and set out to do. But even in that moment, when I crossed the finish line and made my victory walk through the corral, sure there was joy, relief, and pride, but also mixed in was this surreal feeling…and also…emptiness. Did I really just do that? Was that really…it?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a moment I will not soon forget, but I have to be honest, it wasn’t the end all be all of my existence so far. It was a beautiful moment and all of my hard work paid off and led to that moment, but it still fell short. To me, it still felt like it was missing something. What this reminded me of is a phrase ringing throughout Scripture, “Who will you compare me to – who is like Me?”

Even after putting everything I had into this race, from hours of training runs, to gear, to planning every waking second around my eating and running schedule, it still wasn’t it. Maybe that’s on me for thinking it would provide some sort of fulfillment I hadn’t experienced yet. Maybe I just wanted to prove to myself I could. Regardless, I did it and it is something to be proud of. I do not want to negate for a second what an accomplishment it is to finish 26.2 miles, for that’s part of my point! Because it is such an amazing accomplishment, it is all the more important to dig into why that moment still felt a little empty. For me, the finish moment still can’t compare to the night in Albania with my squad of fellow missionaries as we offered up praise unashamed and abandoned to the God of the universe, speaking out Scripture, promises, and hopes. It can’t compare to some of the real, vulnerable conversations I have had with my high school small group ladies. It doesn’t compare to some of the sweetest quiet times I have had curled up in my basement sipping coffee with Jesus as He reminded me no one knows me better than He does and no one could possibly come close to loving me like He does.

Finishing my first marathon on a wet, cold October afternoon was a moment I will not soon forget, but it doesn’t come close to my Jesus and knowing Him. Truly, only He can fully satisfy. Only in Him will I find true fulfillment, fullness of joy, and love beyond understanding. He clearly uses various ways of speaking to us, oftentimes through passions and interests – like running. If I hadn’t run the marathon, I do not think the truths we have gone through over the past four blogs would have sunk in, much less have inspired these words! I am thankful for this experience because ultimately, it deepened my relationship with my Papa and He used it to unveil more of Himself to me. That is what my finisher medal from the TCM reminds me of every time I look at it. It also reminds me of the spiritual race I am running and I ask myself, how am I running?

Am I fueling regularly?

Am I resting when I need to?

Am I paying attention to those around me and focusing on His voice alone?

Am I holding onto the long-term perspective – remembering and trusting the finish is there even though I can’t see it?

I pray these truths have served to encourage you and prompt you to dig in deeper with Jesus. (Maybe you even feel inspired to run a marathon now too ;))

Thank you Papa for lessons learned from 26.2 miles.