3 Lies You May Believe if You’re a Single Twentysomething Woman

There are a lot of women in my life – some older and happily married, some younger and newly married, some happily dating, some blissfully engaged, and some rocking the single life (myself included). Since when did life become defined by your relationship status? Maybe you’re experiencing the same things I am. Your calendar is cluttered with weddings, your Facebook feed blowing up daily with a new engagement or relationship, and more often than not, you find you’re the only single one in a room. It’s not always an easy reality to live. People try to make it better with cliche phrases, “Just wait, love will come when you least expect it!” or “No one has been good enough for you.” Instead of soothing, it’s just annoying.

You look around and see everyone pairing off like animals on Noah’s ark, and then there’s you, feeling like the odd duck out (or maybe dinosaur at this point). Being single can be a struggle, even (sometimes especially) as a Christian. Some days are better than others – but on the hard days you begin to ask questions: why not me? Is there something wrong with me? Lord, have you forgotten me? These are natural reactions, but they could mean you’re believing lies about who you are – who God made you to be.

Do you find yourself thinking or saying any of these things?

I’m not _________ enough. Pretty, thin, smart, witty, confident, etc.

You fill in the blank. You think you’re not enough, like you’ll never measure up to some standard society has set into place. Be it a number on a scale, perfectly mussed beach waves, or always having that witty remark at the ready, you feel you can’t keep up. We size ourselves up (often literally) by women around us who are in relationships or celebrities and think we don’t cut it.

But, you need to remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14) and God Himself, the Creator of the universe, fashioned every detail of who you are! Your looks, personality, giftings, etc. He is the Master Artist and your life is His canvas – He’s making a masterpiece out of you. No masterpiece is exactly the same, otherwise it wouldn’t be a masterpiece – it wouldn’t be set apart as original and beautiful.

I’ll never be noticed.

Ah yes, this one. The root of this lie is comparison. You look around and see all the couples forming while you’re left alone. Your friends get asked out, why not you? Or the worst is when you start to like a guy, your hope builds, and he turns his attentions to another girl, or worse – to one of your best friends. Ouch. I myself have often felt passed over, and this is a lie that used to easily penetrate my defenses. You may feel like no one will ever pick you out in a crowded room, but let me ask you this: do you realize this has already happened, that this IS happening? That you’ve already been more than noticed?

“Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.” Isaiah 43:4

“For you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession.” 1 Peter 2:9

He sees you. God saw you and made a beeline for you. You captivate Him! He thinks about you all the time and even sings songs over you (Zephaniah 3:17). He’s trying to woo you, can you see it? He chose you. He treasures you. No man can change God’s opinion. He needs to have the final say in who you are – will you let Him?

Not every guy who catches your eye will return your gaze. Not every guy you begin to fall in like with will return your sentiments. But ladies, all that matters is the one. The right guy will notice – he will see you for the beautiful woman of God you are and it will be all the sweeter if you already knew how precious you were all along – because God said so, not because he did.

At this rate, I’m going to be alone forever.

Time is a tricky tricky vixen. Sometimes you turn around and BAM, another four years have passed by. With each day that passes you notice you’re getting older, waiting and wondering. Will I meet someone before my years of ample fertility are past? This singleness has been the theme for awhile now…I’m past the age…is this how my life is always going to be? Alone? On my own? Let’s be clear – you were never alone to begin with. God thought of you since the beginning – before you were born – and that has not stopped.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”  Isaiah 41:10

He’s always by your side, taking hold of your right hand, guarding your going out and coming in this time forth and forever (Psalm 121:8). Did you catch that? FOREVER. Now that’s what I’m talking about. He’s never going to leave you and nothing can ever separate you from His love.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

That is what I call true love. It’s time we start walking in the light of this crazy love and be free from these lies. You are a precious daughter of the King – embrace your true heritage.

You are His.